What if Grace Really is Amazing?
The other day, my boss sent out an email reminding all the Personal Trainers to ‘clean-up’ after themselves. I assumed immediately that it was directed solely at me. I do tend to leave equipment in precarious places, and so I responded with: ‘ I am guilty. I will do better.’ He replied to my reply with one line; ‘you really have this good Christian thing down, always feeling guilty about everything.’ I chuckled at his response, he had me pegged.
I converted to Christianity at 16 years of age. Overwhelmed by the new culture, I found myself clinging to the ‘rules.’ There were rules about vocabulary; I changed words like ‘dating’ and sex to ‘courting’ and ‘marriage.’ There were rules about entertainment; I was no longer supposed to listen to music, but to break CD’s and discuss their Satanic roots. Recreation also came with a long list of dos and don’ts; I made sure that all activities passed the WWJD bracelet test.
I later attended a Christian College. There, the rules of my faith became emphatic and extensive. The rules extended to wardrobe; I discovered that knees and clavicles caused men to sin. They defined physicality; I discerned that nothing said purity like a good side-hug. There were even rules for self-worth; I noticed that everyone had a ‘testimony’ of how wicked they were before they ‘got saved’ (the more wicked they once were, they more valuable their current status became.)
I clung to the rules, and they in turn clung to me. My Christianity was soon reduced to an appearance. I figured as long as I appeared holy and happy, as long as I said and did the right things, as long as I condemned anyone who was not perfect; than my religion was in tact.
But keeping my religion in tact, made me fall apart.
My faith became shackles as I sat unmoved on the first verse of the classic hymn:
Amazing Grace how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I’m found
was blind but now I see
I understood the grace that forgave me when I did not know any different. I took no offense to God forgiving the wrongs I committed before I declared my Christian faith. But if I was found, but if I could see, but if I knew the rules; than how could God find Grace with me when I failed?
Skip to the third verse.
Through many toils, dangers and snares
I have already come
‘Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far
And Grace will bring me home
Too often, we as Christians misrepresent grace. I certainly did. We declare God’s forgiveness, His limitless covering of our short-comings, and then we declare the rules. The rules cannot sustain our faith. Grace will.
As much as I want to appear perfect, I am not. I make mistakes and sometimes those mistakes hurt those who deserve it least. They even grieve the heart of the God I claim to serve. But in those mistakes, I find the essence of grace. My religion is not defined by a set of self-imposed standards, but by the unrelenting grace of God. My God still forgives my transgressions, even when I know better. My God still rejoices over me, even when I fall short of His commands. My God upholds my future and hope, even when I jeopardize all that is good.
Grace was great when I chose to believe at 16. Grace is even more amazing now, now when I should know better and do worse any how. I couldn’t tell you the turning point, I still (obviously) have not fully turned the corner. I can only tell you that I have felt the sting of unforgiveness and it left me longing.
You will never see me sporting the cleavage and listening to Eminem while chugging a 40, but the rules are no longer the strength of my faith. The building is now the same as the foundation: grace upon grace.
Truly grace has brought me safe thus far, and grace will bring me home.
I’ve been talking with a non-Christian friend about grace lately.
I think I may direct him to your blog.
Well said, friend.
thanks Janine.
Don’t you think grace also has to do with how we behave or respond after we mess up. I mean life is a process and your going to make mistakes it is what you do after, that is important.
My answer is yes, and “know”. The process by which we learn and grow from our mistakes is sanctification. That process, according to the epistles, is made possible by grace. However, grace will always remain the same in spite of what I do or don’t do. And maybe I just really suck, but I find that the rate at which I learn from my mistakes is significantly slower than the rate at which I make them. Without grace, I would always be in debt. I know better than to gossip, and do it anyway. I punish my daughter for lying, and then justify my own white lies. Do I want to behave better? Absolutely! Do I think I am making progress? Yes! Do I still have a long ways to go? You have no idea! Grace is not about how I behave or respond . . . grace IS the behavior and response. That’s my point, without grace I could not move forward because there would be too much holding me back. I both need to receive and extend it . . . it is mind blowing . . . a cycle that can only be described as “grace upon grace” (God’s phrase, not mine)
I’m pretty sure you’ve been reading my brain? I always forget about grace…wait…that doesn’t sound right. But I kinda do? About it’s overwhelming perfection….bringing everything full circle. This post brought peace to my heart. Thanks.
I forget too! Glad it brought you peace . . . it is what I cling to every day.